Life:

School:

It has been quite a while since I have posted anything, and I am suddenly feeling the urge to at least update a Life entry.  The biggest change in my life at the moment is that I am now officially in College, and I am on the second week thus far.  I am going to focus on trying to acquire an Associates in Science for Computer Information Systems from the Florida Institute of Technology in Melbourne before I go for my 4 year, or pick additional classes in programing or computer science.

It feels kind of good to finally be going to school, but wow is it time consuming when you are still supposed to be there for your children tending to their needs, and making sure the house runs smoothly.  I get some help, but it isn't enough at the moment.  I am going to try asking for more and actually setting down some concrete time to get things done; but, even with the lack of adequate support, the versatility afforded online secondary higher education still allows me to get my work done.  I am getting 95% and above in all my classes at the moment which is good, but I can do better.

I sort of feel like I am missing out on the College experience, because I always wanted to attend in person, even stay in the dorms.  People who might be experiencing it right now might think I am crazy, but I am a very experience oriented persons, and not only would being there in person increase my capacity to understand and interact with the teacher, and material; but, it is just one of those things, like my decision to join the military for at least one tour.  I am a person who seeks out, and does.  My wife is a little envious of my capacity to juggle everything and get things done, but she is also proud of me.  Hopefully I can keep it up.

My classes at the moment are, Introduction to eLearning, Computer Business Skills, and Principles of Accounting.  By far, the hardest class is Principles of Accounting, and not because of the difficulty of concept or workload; purely for the tedium and redundancy of memorizing vast quantities of information, and the repetition involved.  Anyway, I am sure I will succeed.

Wife:  

Things have improved, we keep cycling through areas of time where I go into depressions because at times I am highly unsatisfied with my sex life or lack thereof, but everyone goes through these eventually.  We celebrated our Anniversary recently and I made her a homemade card, here it is:

Anyway, *Smiles*  she really liked the card and many of the other little things I did for her.  The gift was a KitchenAid Pro 600 Lift style with attachments.  She has been wanting one and I thought it would be awesome with the theme of the card and the anniversary, you know the whole mixing things and the stainless steel.  *Grins*  But, things have been going really good for me and her.  Her Lover is currently living abroad due to work, but he is hoping to become the owner of his own business through this action so we tolerate the necessity of his absence, we both miss him to varying degrees; she probably misses him more than I do, but that is to be expected.  I still miss him though.  Hopefully, everything he wants to achieve can be done within the next year.  I am very proud of him actually, because this is the most motivation and determination I have ever seen out of him, and the most consistency.  I think he will actually make it, and that makes me happy to think about.  He is still overly moody though, *Smirks* that is a work in progress, because his communication skills have increased drastically, or at least his desire to use them has.  He comes back for two nights and a day out of the week, so at least there is that.

Reflections in a Mirror: Nostalgia

I have been getting hit a lot with reflections and memories of times long past, desiring to reconnect with a lot of the faded memories.  I spent a full day obsessing over trying to find my old leader who was directly above me when I was fresh into the army, for those who know the technical term it is called team chief.  He was pretty awesome, he took no nonsense, but was always willing to get down and personal, helping you learn what needed to be learned, and being very laid back and casual while maintaining that sense of professionalism.  By far, one of the best leaders I have ever had the pleasure to work under.  For some reason, I couldn't remember his name though, it was so long ago, and I decided to see if I could expand my Facebook network until I ran across something that jarred my memory.  24 hours later, and with much time spent on facebook doing research, I found him.  *Smiles*  We haven't caught up with one another though, because that was finished not too long ago, yesterday into today in fact.  Did you know they added a lot of really cool features relating towards filtering your search queries to Facebook?  Made everything infinitely easier by the way.  *Grins*

I wonder why it hit me so hard recently, I am very Introverted; I mean, I have my wife and that is pretty much it for steady social contact at the moment, and I am not overly bothered by this.  Though after 7 years, I am finally starting to get a little stir crazy.  So I have started trying to branch out and build my own network of friends instead of just relying on whoever happens to drift through the house for whatever reason.  I think that is probably what prompted the trips down memory lane.  Every time I travel down memory lane though (which isn't that frequently) it is always accompanied by this vague sense of longing however.  One one hand, this has helped me be more vocal about what I actually want to increase my general state of happiness above my normal levels of content/depressed.  On the other, it provides the contrast that has increased many instances of negative feelings relating toward how free and resource independant I used to be versus my current state of affairs.  That remembering the best parts of your past and comparing it to your current situation, that is Nostalgia; and it isn't always a good thing.

Many people allow themselves to become trapped by the past; because they spend their life eternally trying to recapture the memories of their youth, the memories of times with less responsibility and duty.  I can see the allure, like I said, I spurred me to be more vocal about what I think would increase my own general levels of happiness, but that turns something that is inherently internal into something that is external, and I have been slapped in the face recently for forgetting some of my own teachings that I have come across and shared with others.  The only way you will ever truly be happy, is if you decide to be.  Happiness is a decision and, more concisely a state of mind, where you have a deep sense of contentment with your lot in life, your position.  You can be dirt poor, and in the middle of a third world country, and you can still have a high level of contentment with your own life.  In fact, it is oftentimes the people who have experienced true hardship that have a greater sense of appreciation in general, thus increasing their subjective happiness.  Isn't that kind of messed up and counter intuitive   The more hardship you have experienced, and more perspective you have, and the greater your appreciation of simple and small things.  One thing to keep in mind, is that, as contentment and happiness are generally conscious choices, states of mind that can be lived in; you have to ensure that you also keep the balance and make sure that the relationships you surround yourself with are built on balance, fairness, and equality.  I think the severe lack of balance that has been present for so long, is what is responsible for Nostalgia settling in, and it is great to have the wake up call, but at the same time, like I said, Nostalgia is the act of remembering the past fondly, to the point of longing, which is inherently a negative experience.

Bah, it is getting late,

Night fellow Xangan's,

May peace favor you.