February 21, 2013
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Generic Post: Thursday, February the 21st, 2013
Life: ...has been busy, and up, and down. My wife came back from her month long absence, but things have returned to normal, which is to say they have returned to exactly what I did not want them to return to. Things were so amazing before she left, I wonder what changed, why she changed again, and everything. I don't know, I just kind of hoped it would be different this time, but after breaking down over the two months of November and December of last year, I am as the quote at the bottom of my Home entry, one tree.
To take the edge of the loneliness I feel between Sunday to Saturday I have taken up an old game I used to love, and I have been obsessing about it to fill my time and distract me. League of Legends is the name of the game, and I used to be pretty good at it, but now I am rusty and there is alot of information and champions to catch up on. Anyone familiar with gaming terms it is a MOBA Strategy pvp game. So, now while she de-stresses from work by playing her Facebook games for hours I obsess about this one, *Smirks* Are we not just the happiest couple in the world? *Winks*
I still wish she wouldn't let everything in life shut her down so hard, and that at the very least, by the end of the day she wasn't constantly so tired that she has little to no time for me, except for the brief moments I am granted either putting her to sleep or trying to fall asleep with her. Passion is what I think I miss most, but she has left no room for it inside of her. Our time, is delegated to the moments sleep does not steal from, and weary tired bones do not drag down and drain. Stolen moments of Joy that are too few and far between.
On a slightly brighter note, I may potentially have another love interest entering into my life again, it is on very tentative and shaky ground, but its something to hope for. I like the way she kisses and how her body responds to mine, I think I need a touch oriented person in my life, and that may be while I have such a big disconnect with my wife, who is primarily words and gifts. *Smiles* I can make her feel loved, valued, and wanted pretty easily, but I always feel used up and burnt out because I don't always get what I need in return. I sometimes think of the one before, and it makes me sad and mournful of how that turned out, but *Shakes the thoughts out of his head* I shall not let that seed take root and grow, the depression it would lead to has no cure, so for now the seed will occasionally get planted, but will receive no water. I just hope things turn out better this time around, and my wife can handle it better, it appears she can but I am a pretty fast learner figuring things out with minimal mistakes. I just wish last time hadn't been my first time, me and my wife had been in a better place, and she had been in a better frame of mind. It took almost loosing me for her to wake up, and realize a few things. So I guess they are not totally back to normal, because now I do have the weekends to look forward to somewhat. *Shrugs*
UPDATES Coming, but I have to mind the children at present.
Comments (4)
Marriage is a hard work. And so, I was told - years back.
I was married very young, once - my first marriage lasted only 4 years.
It is more than enough to damage me inside-out.
It took me decades to ever healing my wounded-self and yet my heart yearned to love again ...
Now, I am married to a most wonderful man ever. I pray that it stays so and I think this will survive even the storms.
Now, we have been together for almost 11 years.
I pray that yours shall survive these all too ... *hug*
@silveranstavern Hi! I was just thinking about how I haven't seen you, in a while on here. I didn't blog as much last month because there was so much chaos going on with our house. Our sewage system kept backing up, which put a monkey wrench into our daily routines. We finally got some money to have it fixed, before last month ended. If you want, you can catch up on my other blogs from last month.
Anyway, that sucks that your marriage is on the rocks right now. Has your wife explained why she has physically withdrawn from you? You don't have to go into any specifics if you don't feel like it, but it does help for you to know what's causing so much distance. With that being said, I hope that things work out for you both.
@RealistMe - @Sherrie_de_Valeria - Thank you both, and things always go up and down, stress plays a central theme in alot of our disconnect issues, she doesn't know how to manage it other than vegging out on Facebook, and is uninterested in learning other ways, but she is on leave once again and life is wonderful, taking the time to savor the moment so I haven't been around or active in a long time for one reason or another. When life slows down, and the bug to write catches me again, I will muse on life once more. Until then, may peace favor you.e
@silveranstavern - Oh okay. That's good news! I've been gradually weening myself off facebook because it can be toxic, especially for impulsive people like myself. LOL!
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