XANGA CHALLENGE: LABLES
What labels do I attach to myself?
Father
Son
Brother
Friend
Homemaker
Intelligent
Creative
Authentic
Individualistic
Non-Judgmental
Frugal
Disciplined
Calm
Level-Headed
Realist
Spiritual-Non-Religious
Gamer
Overweight
Introvert
Sociopath
Honest
Trustworthy
Pragmatic
Male
Confident
Explorer
How and why, do I identify with each of these labels?
Father - I am the biological Father of two children, and Father of two other children in every practical sense of the word.
Son – I have a mother and a father, therefore society labels me son.
Brother - I have a brother and a sister, therefore society labels me a brother.
Friend – I have friends, and they consider me a friend in return, the relationship isn't superficial in nature, so I feel the term friend is applicable.
Homemaker – I manage the day to day affairs of the household I am a part of, Influence many aspects of household management.
Intelligent – I have never taken an official IQ test, but the many (I think I have taken 7 or more) non official ones put me at about 136 to 138, I feel as if that qualifies. Knowledge is not intelligence, and while I may also be Knowledgeable (I don't feel justified in claiming that one), I make a distinction between Knowledgeable and Intelligent. I am far more Intelligent then I am Knowledgeable, I don't have the vast years of experience to meet that label, fortunately finding information is fairly easy if you know where to look.
Creative - “involving the use of imagination to produce new ideas or things.” I frequently write original poetry, and other various creative writings. I am imaginative, and innovated, using what is available to me in non intended ways, in an effort to come up with solutions to what ever I need at the moment.
Authentic, individualistic, nonconformist: I am me, I may accommodate you, but I will always be me. I have stripped away everything, every expectation, every notion of how I should be, of how I should react and behave, in order to find what I truly and wholly resonate with, on a deep personal level. I behave outside of that sense of self for some people or circumstances, for many various reasons; but, I never change myself for another person. In this, I am uncompromising.
Non-Judgmental – If I am me, then you are you. Perhaps a better description is a lack of prejudice, because we all judge in the end. But, I ask most, that a person extends non judgment toward me, as I extend it toward them, for if they do not, then it is by their own sense of judgment, that I condemn them by.
Frugal – I have an understanding of the value of money, it facilitates experiences, and eases quality of life. In and of itself, it has no inherent value, other then the value you attach to it. Every case of soda, pack of cigarettes, or other vice, must be weighed against its alternative value. Such as potential date nights with your significant other, or money for a trip to some location you have always wanted to go to. It is up to you to decide how best to allocate, and not waste, the money you make.
Disciplined - “the ability to make yourself do the things you know you ought to do, without someone making you do them” Another word for Mature in my opinion. Unpleasant tasks arise in life all the time, it doesn't detract from the necessity of doing them, and procrastination only makes it worse in the long run, if you need the pressure to operate efficiently, find a different way to instill it, just get it done.
Calm – “relaxed and quiet, not angry, nervous, or upset” In general, I am a calm person, relaxed and peaceful resonate with me and from me, even in the middle of chaos.
Realist – I value seeing the world as it is, and I seek to know the truth in and of things. Even if I find it to be unpleasant.
Spiritual-Non-Religious – It is an affiliation I claim, meaning, I have found most religions to be a poor fit, but I still find value in leading a spiritual life, free of any set dogma or doctrine codifying my behavior. It allows me to be, and remain authentic with myself.
Gamer – I like to game, many different types. I also find gamers, especially tabletop gamers, as cool people to hang around and associate with.
Overweight – This is not a body image evaluation, I do not look my weight. But I am 240 and I should be at 180 for my height for many health and job related reasons. I am working towards it, aside, I actually feel better at lower weights, I was at 296 not to long ago. I have made outstanding progress.
Introvert – Many of the traits of an Introvert apply to me, some do not, nothing's perfect.
Sociopath – Many of the traits of a person with a high degree of psychopathy apply to me, some do not. In general though, I lack the capacity to feel guilt or remorse for my actions, I have a very low level of compassion towards others, which conflicts with the high level of compassion I have toward others, (Yes, I have both at the same time, leave me alone) I can admit, that I find the idea of hurting others highly pleasurable and my genetic nature and impulses are predisposed towards high degrees of anger, and violence. I have little to no need for attachment (Not to be confused with connection or feeling connected, which I desire greatly.), and I have many anti social traits. I can understand people intellectually, but I do have trouble relating to them because I have not been able to experience reality the same way they do, or have. It makes life interesting. Especially recognizing that you are innately Amoral and deciding to develop your own moral and ethical code, it makes me more authentic I think. *Smiles* That being said, if you met me in person, or spent time with me, you would never be able to tell. I've done a lot of work to mitigate its more detrimental effects on my life, and enhance its more beneficial effects on my life.
Honest – Truth is a necessity in my life, with my self anyway. I am fumbling my way though life in how honesty works with other people. Having this pesky thing called reactive emotions makes it difficult to be truly honest with someone, I have been told to lie for their benefit on more then one occasion, because generally, you ask me a question and you get an answer, and you may not like the truth of the answer involved.
Trustworthy – In most aspects of life, I am trustworthy, mostly because of the high value I place on cultivating and keeping it, also because of the the high value I place on being dependable, and in keeping my promises. I am human though, we all have our breaking points.
Pragmatic - “dealing with problems in a sensible, practical way instead of strictly following a set of ideas” Yes please.
Male - I have a penis, therefore I am classified as a Male in terms of gender.
Confident - “sure that something will happen in the way that you want or expect, sure that you have the ability to do things well or deal with situations successfully” It comes from being a realist, and not being plagued by self doubt.
Explorer – I am always up for new experiences, not necessarily charting the unexplored, but I don't mind being out of my comfort zone, or trying something just to try it. It is not some all consuming passion, but I am a very curious, exploratory, experience based person.
How do I allow these labels to affect my behavior?
Father – The concept of “Father” implies duty and obligation toward seeing that your children reach it to adulthood relatively intact, both physically and mentally. While the concept of blood ties does not hold much sway with me, the concept of Father, has spurred me into learning how to be an effective one. It causes me to seek to understand the psychology and development of the mind, body, and spirit of children in general. It kept me from leaving my Ex before we were married (which we did too early out of necessity), and as such has been the cause of one of the more Major aspects of my life's journeys to date. I don't have a blinding sense of obligation attached to blood ties, but accepting stewardship over a child will sire the father instinct to cultivate and nurture. I recognize, that because it isn't a blind attachment to blood ties though, I am more accepting of children in general, but conversely I am more capable of understanding when the work I am doing is being damaged by outside external influences, and be accepting of the fact that I need to step aside. In this regard, I am very my way or the highway in my parenting style, in regards to the other stewards around me, and resent their lack of effort to better their own parenting skills. I go slightly more in-depth on this subject HERE.
Son – This label does not affect my behavior. I maintain relationships with both my mother, and my father, but in all aspects, I treat them as people first and foremost. They are individuals to me, and not affiliations of blood. They each have had their part in my past, and in shaping who I have become, but my lack of adherence to the concept of blood ties, prevents me from being behaviorally blinded and restricted. IE, if they are a shitty person at present, I will treat them as I would any shitty person, by walking away and not contacting them. When they are less shitty, they will be allowed to seek out any form of relationship they wish to define with me.
Brother – See above, same applies.
Friend – Friends are my Family. The people you choose to bring into your life, the relationships you choose to cultivate, have great importance, and in many cases will define you. Our friends are often times reflections of our self, kindred spirits we meet in life, something in them resonates in us, and it is something we like and want to incorporate in our lives. I build deep friendships, and we form a sense of community usually, such that we are there for each other, as we navigate the waters of life, through thick and thin, we support one another. That being said, while I have deep fulfilling friendships, they form organically, and they wither organically, as we pass through each others life. I tend to focus on the people who are physically present in my life, and as a result, people who were once great friends, are now just acquaintances that I barely speak too. I don't actively seek to cut people who are no longer present in my life out of it, but I also don't overly strain myself to keep that connection strong. If it works out that way great, but it is usually because the other person put a lot of effort into remaining in contact. I almost always have a deep impact on the people whose lives I enter, but at the same time, I am transient by nature, drifting in and out of deep friendships easily.
Homemaker – This is a title of duty, this is the role I took on as a spouse, and one I am transitioning out of. My sense of duty and discipline are strong, and I push myself hard to fulfill my perceived duties, I do not want to be a detriment to the people around me, we are in each others lives for the greater benefit, or we are not in each others lives any more. My sense of self respect is tied toward fulfilling all the tasks I associate with this title, which is pretty much the role of a traditional wife, and while I may not be step-ford perfect in keeping an immaculate house, and homemade cooking every day, I am diligent in ensuring that the house is not filthy, and at most is a liveable chaotically clutter from just having too much stuff. The more help I receive in keeping the house clean, the better it looks, but in general, I am the sole person who maintains the house steadily. Others do help, but help is sporadic, and sometimes, not with a pleasant attitude. On the cooking aspect of things, I am part homemade and part convenience, I am not going to go through the pain of making my own pasta, but 90 percent of the meals are not frozen food reconstituted for consumption, or prepared meals coming out of a box. In a household of 9 people, with an infant and a 2 year old, I happen to believe I am doing a remarkable job, enough to fulfill my sense of self respect. But the duties are cooking, cleaning, and ensuring the smooth operation of the rest of the household affairs as oversight committee.
Intelligent – Let me clarify what intelligence is not, and what it is. Intelligence is not, knowledge, nor is it being Knowledgeable; Intelligence is not competency; Intelligence is a measure of one's general aptitude for figuring things out. The ability to use logic, to understand new situations, ideas, or concepts. It affects my behavior, because in order for me to feel justified in claiming to be intelligent, I have to endeavor in trying to gain true understanding of new situations, ideas, or concepts. For me, in order to gain true understanding of something, it must be first entered into in a state of open mindedness and a lack of predisposition towards one viewpoint or another, becoming intimate and knowledgeable with all facets of something; looking at it from all perspectives, then deciding which approach or perspective works best for me. Of course, I only have my own foundation to work from, so the more attention I pay toward my overall education, only increases my capacity for future understanding. Skepticism is an admirable trait to have, but too much invites a dogmatic view of the world just as lack of skepticism does. Having skepticism does not make one intelligent, though often times skeptics tend to wish to attain true understanding more often than not, so more skeptics raise to intellectual heights. For myself, I choose to allow just the proper amount to test, and push boundaries, but not so much, that I think I already know without experience. Quantifiable things can be known definitively, the realm of subjective experience, has often times been looked at too harshly from skeptics, closing the mind, too early I think in some cases.
Creative – This indirectly affects intelligence, because often times logic can only take you so far, and then ingenuity and creative leaps of logic into the realm of the unknown, unverified, and untested, take you the rest of the way. Creativity is both a way of relating to the world, and a method of expression. As a way of relating to the world, I don't really have words to describe it. As a method of expression, it is engaged when every you are creating some thing original to you, it might not be original, but that doesn't really matter, so long as it is not just a repetition of past insights, or works, it has a sense of newness to it. Not really sure how this affects my behavior overtly, I just view the world through an artist eyes, and in the way I pay attention to the world around me. I love expressing myself, I love day dreaming, I love a lot of things about being creative. It is something you just are though, not sure how it can truly be harnessed as a behavior, or a learnable skill. Perhaps I am just so far down this rabbit hole, that like a fish in the ocean, I can't describe what water is. I think it can be inspired, but not taught.
Authentic – The only dogma I hold in my life, is make sure the thoughts in my head are mine. I have systematically erased all notions of morality (assuming I actually had some to begin with), cultural and societal expectations, role expectations, any expectations other than the ones I have placed on myself willingly. I then reconstructed my own ethical and moral code, based primarily on my understanding on the constructivity and deconstrutivity of actions, as they relate toward my own goals in life. In this way, I am authentic toward myself, fully and truly authentic with myself. If I arrive at the same conclusion as someone else, and behave in ways that others would consider to be Moral, so be it, if I am at odds with traditional morality or culture, so be it. I am well and truly the happiest and most content in life, when I am existing in a state of alignment with myself, most people are.
Individualistic – Kinda the same thing as being Authentic, more of a recognition, that the beliefs I hold, the manner in which I choose to conduct myself, and the face I choose to present to the world, is rather unique in its makeup. Does not influence my behavior, as it is a recognition of what others think of me.
Non-Judgmental – Once again, because everyone judges, be it deciding if you are a mustard or ketchup person, I mean this more in a don't hold it against others, enter into things with a lack of prejudice, evaluate individuals as individuals. And that is how it affects my behavior.
Frugal – It makes me give more consideration toward where I wish to allocate the meager funds I have available, it makes me carefully examine what I am currently doing, versus what I wish to do or work towards.
Disciplined – It allows me to accomplish important tasks irregardless of my current interest or desire levels, it allows me to stay focused on long term benefits vs short term gains, and weigh them accordingly.
Calm – As I already stated, relaxed and peaceful resonate with me, if I am not enjoying the current state I am in, either because I am angry, resentful, or some other draining emotion that is not being constructive, I default back toward my natural desired state, which is relaxed and peaceful. If I find the emotion/feeling to my disliking but still useful or constructive, I let it run its course, generally these are the periods of greatest creative expression for me. It influences my behavior, in that this is a state I actually seek out to experience as an expression of my natural state of being.
Level-Headed – Recognition label that has little impact on behavior, I am not easily budged out of my mental states except when I allow it. I maintain control of my cognitive abilities; worry, nervousness, panic, etc. do not take root in my mind. I view them as mostly pointless feelings that serve no constructive function, that can not be better attained with different actions and feelings. Actually, I am just now realizing that it inspires me to seek out all instances where I view fear as being unhealthy and deconstructive to the situation, and actively replacing it with something that works better. That is how it affects my behavior.
Realist – Inspires the desire for brutal honesty with myself and the world around me, to see things exactly as they are objectively. Commonly mistaken for being pessimistic, it is not my fault of reality seems to align more often with the pessimistic view of reality. Inspite of being a realist, I am an upbeat person, taking inspiration that knowing my situation, allows me to take effective action to change it if I so desire.
Spiritual-Non-Religious - Well this would really deserve its own post, but at its heart Authenticity and Self Growth, are my religion. Claiming this lack of a label, as my label, allows me the freedom to lead a deeply spiritual life on my own terms, in the way that best suits me as an individual.
Gamer – I game, claiming this title, inspires me to seek out fellow gamers, and interact with them. I game for many various reasons, but two are central in my life, I am either bored/stuck/depressed, or otherwise trying to escape reality by just not thinking about it right now, or I am engaging in it socially because I like the quality of people who tend to like to also claim this title, they are interesting and quirky, varied, and generally fun to be around. When I am the former, I generally tend to enjoy many various console or computer RPG's for their storyline and content. When I am the latter, I am either engaging in Table Top Pen an Paper RPG's for the freedom of expression and the quality of people, or I am engaged in some competitive multi-player game online. My current choice is League of Legends, but I have enjoyed EVE greatly in the past (Just not a space ship person, and I am eagerly avidly, frothing at the mouth here, awaiting World of Darkness Online, which is also being done by CCP with White Wolf's help for content. CCP lacked substance in game for EVE when I was playing, but the player driven environment, and just everything about it from a technical aspect was highly enjoyable, and you better do WoD Online justice, or I might consider becoming an militant activist on principle, targeting all the people who sold out to make a quick buck in the gaming industry. Quality here, quality.)
Overweight – I have allocated a lot of time toward understanding mainstream, and contemporary nutrition and exercise. I am very knowledgeable in this area, but I find a lack of motivation to actually put it into practice, because I am actually quite happy with my body image. But, I do feel better at lower weights, and this is experience based evidence, that I would find being 200 or below optimal. I have recently found motivation that doesn't have to do with body image and have been using my knowledge enthusiasticly, to maintain control of my weight without destroying myself in the process.
Introvert – This is a recognition title as well, and as such does not influence behavior but is more of an identification of behavior I already engage in, there is no real inspiration from this title, it just sorta fits. Except for Myth number 5 and 9, in which I am perfectly fine in crowds, just not socializing with crowds, it just fits. http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts I am fairly versatility and adaptable to the situations I thrust myself into, or that I am put into, so I have outgoing capabilities, but not extrovert tendencies. I can enjoy a good party with lots of people around, but I do need that one person I am connecting with to truly enjoy the party for its own sake. Sometimes crazy and existing outside your comfort zone is good, and being an Introvert is definitely my comfort zone. *Smiles*
Sociopath – This is my own personal daemon, that I struggle with, trying to get it synergizing with mainstream culture, because lets face it, despite the fact that I have a high degree of psychopathy, and the host of undesirable traits that comes with it, I recognize that catering to that aspect of myself is not conducive towards integrating with society and existing peacefully in any meaningful way, despite the fact that it is an intrinsic part of who I am. I do not try to change it, I try to channel it, use the cold logic when I need it, to make decisions that others may think heartless, but that are ultimately the most constructive towards my goals. I have an extremely violent tendencies, and a predisposition towards anger/rage. The mind is infinitely mutable however, and I did manage to self correct the vast majority of my predispositions that I intellectually recognized as self limiting, both in my capacity to build and maintain meaningful relationships and that would be a hindrance towards my capacity to thrive in this life/world. So, with a hefty regimen of meditation, awareness training of my own mental states, and self control and discipline training, all natural violent impulses have been curbed for the most part, except in situations of extreme frustration in which I can not readily decontaminate myself. I manage my anger issues extremely effectively, unfortunately it is a constant effort, and I can come across as Emotionless to those who do not know better. I have very strong emotions, very strong, and it took quite a lot of effort not to become a slave to my emotional states. I also had to undergo a lot of self induced mental reshaping. I used Buddhist Compassion training and Tantric Looking on an Object in Love, to cultivate some modicum of capacity to form connections with people. I term this love, I don't know if it is or not, I really don't care, it is a pleasurable experience for me, to be generous and service oriented towards those I come to care about, something that is not traditionally even capable of someone who has a high degree of psychopathy. But since I recognize that I had to actually train myself for this, it was not instilled in me from birth, or I didn't learn how to do it growing up, I claim to be a high functioning sociopath *Winks*. A lot of my moral code is formed form a high degree of intellectual awareness of how the world around me functions and operates, and an understanding of the principles that may make it function more effective and efficiently, with a socialist/communist people oriented approach rather than a traditional materialistic success oriented approach, again, thanks in large part to my self growth and mental reshaping. My desire to harness all the beneficial aspects of this part of myself, while curbing its more destructive traits, plays a central theme in my life, and is one of the reasons I am obsessed with mastery and understanding of my self, and my limitations. Finding a way to synergize this experience, such that I can be myself in the least damaging, most enjoyable way possible. Because of the massive amount of work involved, the mental restructuring and conditioning, most people would never come to understand this as an aspect of myself. Most people tend to view me as saintly, because of my capacity to handle stress and frustration with grace, my general generous nature towards people I come to care about, my service oriented existence constantly looking at how best I can improve upon the lives of those who enter my own. A lot of work went into cultivating that, and I still don't feel like it is as good as it could be, I am designing myself to thrive, and I am working on increasing my capacity to feel alive.
Honest – A central part of any self growth effort, I am extremely honest with myself, self analyzing behaviors and decisions. I still make mistakes, but being honest about it, allows me to work on the aspects of myself that I feel need working on. So I can live up to my own high codus of behavior easily and effectively. I am most strict with myself, and I keep high standards of conduct in place. I try to live in such a manner, that when I look at the person in the mirror, I can feel pride at the person starring back, because I am living to the best of my potential.
Trustworthy – I recognize that being trustworthy is necessary to build relations with others, and to work together as a community and group. I strive to always keep my promises, although some times people like to put words in my mouth, and claim promises I never gave with my heart. Coercion in order to wrangle a half hearted promise out of me isn't going to feel very meaningful for me to indulge in, unless it serves my purposes. For the most part, being trustworthy serves my purposes, and that is fundamentally why I strive to be as such. I do let people down form time to time though, I am only human after all, but to let it happen too often would be a disservice to myself, and a form of self disrespect, which I hold in high esteem. Being respectable, IE living in accordance to my own values and beliefs.
Pragmatic – Claiming this label inspires me to evaluate old standardized methods, and allow myself to be open to new more efficient or effective methods. Just because something is established, doesn't mean it is best, just because something is new, doesn't mean it is good, Pragmatics focus most on what works, not where it comes from. Regardless of the source, a good idea is a good idea, if it resonates with you and works, use it.
Male – I tend to think in terms of non gender, but I have a penis, therefore clinically I am male. It does not inspire any behavior outside of biological predispositions. It does however seem to project an amazing amount of cultural and societal expectations toward me, as to how I should behave and what makes a Man. For the past 5 years, I have been fullfilling all the roles and expectations of the traditional wife, I cooked, I cleaned, I managed and cultivated the children. Its hard work, or I should say it can be, not everyone actually tries to fulfill all the duties expected of that role while in it, I did though, and I found it to be much more physically and mentally demanding then my time in the military. I would think, only basic training demanded more out of me. But then again, I also took it upon myself to fulfill the expectation that my Ex should be allowed to rest and relax when she came home, and I should wait on her hand and foot most of the time. *Grins* I think that traditional aspect of being a “wife” had been mostly done away with by many who no longer live in the 1950's. But, I am pretty sure you can still find cases of it, you always will. Anyway, none of this has anything to do with Male directly, and it is mostly in the past now. In short, it was an example of how I don't conform to gender roles just because it is expected of me. I took on that burden because I chose to, and because I recognized it as most beneficial in the moment for my goals, but it did lead to burnout.
Confident – Most of these labels are recognition labels I am coming to see, and very few actually modify or inspire behavior directly, but rather describe aspects of myself that just are. In general I approach reality as if my desired outcome is a forgone conclusion, and only needs the effort from me to make it a manifest. Evidence seems to support this conclusion, but I think that is true of just about anyone who does the same. Confidence and Effort, breeds success. I still fail at bringing about my desired short term goals form time to time, but I learn from my mistakes, and always push forward. Mistakes are inevitable, learning from them is not.
Explorer – This label inspires me to push myself to my limits, and explore my own depths and heights. It inspires me to seek out new experiences, and tune into reality. Whether is it trying new international cuisine, exploring new subculture from the inside out by participating, exploring new ways of thinking, all aspects of life have a way to see the world with curiosity and wonder. In in the end, it is that sense of wonder and curiosity that truly makes the explorer, feel like one. Approach life with curiosity, wonder, and a desire to figure it out through participation.
Examine each of these behaviors, and determine what benefit it brings into your life, and how it negatively impacts your life, and list them.
I may edit this in the future, but for now, I am going to leave it as is and get back to it.
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