November 23, 2012

• The Art of Parenting

   

   

  There are so many aspects to parenting, that it really could fill a book, I have read several of them that have influenced or shaped my own interactions with the children around me. I watch documentaries on emotional, physical, and intellectual development of children. I read books on the emotional, physical, and intellectual development of children. I evaluate the findings, by putting them into practice, paying attention to its effectiveness in leading toward the desired/intended results. I very much approach the idea of parenthood as one giant scientific study, where I am continually refining my knowledge and tools available, with the goal in mind of raising the children under my care, with the best approach towards cultivating their innate potential in all aspects of life. It is difficult when you are the only one thus concerned with seeking to improve your parenting skills though, and the other parent is still stuck in the archaic models that they were possibly raised by.

   

  I could not use the methods I was raised with, my own childhood is not a model of good parenting. But under my own direction, I took the steps necessary to improve and fix myself, such that I did not, do not for the most part, suffer from the same side effects of poor parenting. It does speak to a certain reliance of the human nature to auto correct itself, but most people don't have the necessity that was present in my life, to auto correct. With out that sense of necessity, most people drift through life half broken, not even realizing it, because everything they do is “good enough”. Of course, most people wouldn't consider me to be the apex of society either, because of my amoral, results oriented, logical approach toward life. For one, I am not christian, I do not ascribe to many christian concepts of right and wrong, and I evaluate actions on their own merits independent of biased beliefs, meaning I maintain an open mind in all aspects of life. With 75 percent of the US population being christian, I am fairly certain that the majority of the people I come across would not agree with my view of and on life, or the more unconventional routes I have decided to take myself. But, as I am not trying to raise or cultivate the children under my care to be perfect replicas of myself, I don't view this to be a problem. In the end, the best I could hope for and wish, is that they have a sound mind and body, with which to engage life. I would want most, for them to develop critical thinking skills, so that they could arrive to their own conclusions, but aren't so self oriented that the advice and wisdom of others is automatically discounted without evaluation.

   

  Toward this end, I decided long before I even had children, that I would learn how to raise them in such a way, that my desired intentions, were produced. Children that could think for themselves, children that did not blindly accept authority, but instead had a willingness to question tradition, receive the data, and decide how best to use it in their own lives. Out of the box, unconventional thinkers, not robotic automatons, regurgitating what ever has been impressed upon them. Highly intelligent and self recognized individuals, who are not so caught up in their individuality, as to unwittingly become part of the herd again, just out of a desire to be different. There is a balance that must be struck, where it becomes ok to be both conventional and unconventional because that happens to be what you are most in accordance with, and not out of some sense of identity with labels. Its ok to be different, it is ok to be in accordance with that which is mainstream, as long as you are authentic with yourself first and foremost. Disciplined, Authentic, Intelligent, Artistic, Creative, Individuals.

   

  That was the original driving force, how to inspire that person to come into being. All the values I admire, with none of the dogma, how does a person raise a child without polluting them at the same time. This was all before I even became a parent. I recognized quite early that the way my mother and father raised me, were not optimal, especially toward the human being cultivated above. So I decided to teach myself, how to be and become a good effective parent. The effective part plays particular emphasis here. I am not going to claim that I have perfected the art of parenting, as I have stated, I am in a continual state of honing, re-evaluating, and refining; that in and of itself speaks to a lack of perfection, but in my desire to be and become effective I leave myself open minded in my approach. I allow myself the ability to see if my approach is producing the intended results, and if it is not, I allow myself to change my approach such that it is. Rigid adherence to an approach, because it is either the only thing one knows, or because of beliefs in the process over the results, is detrimental to the cause. You can be the most well intentioned person in the world, but if your process is not yielding the intended results, then perhaps it is time for change. The desire for effectiveness and the willingness to admit when you are not as such, and then taking the steps to correct that deficiency, will take you far in all aspects of life, not just parenthood.

   

  I do not think that I will go in depth as to how I actually parent. As I have said, I am not perfect, and it would take a book or many books to go into the many various nuances I have come to understand as the best method for myself, and it is in a continual state of flux, as I further expand my knowledge on the subject. Find the method that works best for you, and that yields your own intended results. I don't think that the my intended results are the best, but they are the values that I hold most dear to myself, and thus are the values I wish to cultivate in those around me, if they are open and receptive.

   

  May peace favor you and your life be filled with joy.

   

  • 3:51 pm
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